We’ve all had our fair share of hurtful moments; moments of fear, loss, disappointment, heartbreak etc.
Sometimes these moments are small and pass quickly but sometimes they don’t; sometimes we get stuck in the hurt!
I’ve been stuck in the hurt a few times.
Like the time when my first crush broke my heart because I just wasn’t his type. I spent a lot of time, wishing I had shiny, wavy hair like the girl he chose instead of me. It took me a while to get back to embracing my brown skin and kinky hair.
Like the time when I told my parents I was pregnant and they shunned me and told me what a disgrace I was. And for nine months I felt alone and ashamed, missing out on what should have been a beautiful experience.
Like when the love of my life hit me for the first time. After that, I spent the next several years lost not knowing who I was and what my life would be like from one moment to the next.
But it was through these moments and others that I realized that when we’re hurting, there are some steps we can take to help ensure that we don’t get so rooted in the pain that we lose ourselves and our place in our life journey.
Here are the steps I took…
• Realize that despite what was probably your best effort, what’s done is done. Don’t spend too much time reliving the moment wishing it had been different. Yes, it’s only human to wonder how things could have been but the sooner you can accept things as they are the better!
• Cry! Cry hard and tell yourself that this time is the last time and hold to it!
• Spend more time around people that think you’re fucking fabulous!
• Spend less time with people who really don’t like you!
• Even if all of it was totally your fault, it’s ok! Own up to it! Accept responsibility for all of it! It’s like taking a big dose of bad tasting medicine, it’s pretty horrible but you’ll be better for it!
• Filter out all the good shit! This may take some effort but there is some good that came out of the all mess.
• Make intentional efforts to get better. Whether you need emotional support, counseling, etc., take some practical steps to help you rise above it all.
• Solicit the advice of someone you trust to be that person to tell you where you went wrong.
• Solicit the advice of someone you trust to slap you out of it when they see you re-living it all over again!
• Watch for signs that you’re repeating some of the same things that landed you in all this hurt in the first place.
• Pray and meditate. Knowing that there is a power that is there to guide, heal and comfort you will give you hope that things can and will get better!
• Know that you’re not alone. There are tons of us who have experience that same type of hurt that you have. Reach out to them, connect and help each other!
I recently wrote a short ebook about my story of how I was stuck in the hurt; it nearly cost me my life. You can check it out here!
Getting and staying stuck in the hurt will steal your joy, rob you of your potential and deceive you into thinking that your life won’t ever be any different than it is at that moment!
The bottom line my loves is… FIGHT! Fight every way you know how to free yourself!
There is so much for you to do; so much goodness and happiness to be had…Go Get It!
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